Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Bachmann Relying on God to Run her Campaign

Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachman should be on Comedy Central, because she is constantly saying funny things.

Recently, she suggested that she can get God to run her potential Presidential campaign. Politico reports that Rep. Bachman is asking people to pray “that the Lord will give us a special anointing on how to put our team together, who those team people will be, that he would bring those people to us.”

Now she hasn’t decided whether to run or not, but this God-managed strategy does raise a lot of questions. For example, if God tells her to run and then she loses, does that mean that mere mortals can out campaign God? Or does it mean God has an ornery streak and would tell her run when he knows she is going to lose?

Martyr Sea? More Like Chicken of the Sea

There have been reports lately that radical muslims want to rename the Arabian Sea to Martyr Sea. The Arabian Sea is, of course, where Osama Bin Laden’s body was chucked overboard, er, buried in the ocean, by sailors of the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson.

Jay Leno addressed this issue on the Tonight Show: “Supporters of Osama bin Laden say they want to rename the Arabian Sea where bin Laden’s body was dumped, the Martyr’s Sea. Please hiding in your bedroom How about calling it chicken of the sea?”

According to the Daily Mail, Abdal Hakim Murad, a Muslim Chaplain at Cambridge University says

‘Given Muslim ideas of holiness diffusing over large areas it is possible that a pilgrimage will develop as radicals stand on beaches contemplating the virtues of their dead hero,’ he added.

Really? Well why not just change the name of the whole Middle East to “Martyrstan” then? That way, they won’t have to travel.

Thankfully, we didn’t bury him in Barstow, Alaska. That would have made the pilgrimage interesting.

There are some people who think this attempt to rename the Arabian Sea means  President Obama made the wrong call, versus, say, chopping up the body in to small pieces and jettisoning it in space. To them, I say my uncle died in Washington state, and I am calling for the whole state to be renamed Johnlandia. A lot of people agree with me, including my mother, the guy asking for food money at the supermarket, and my dog, Allah Akbar.

Polanski Freed, Proving Child Rape is Ok for Oscar Winners

Switzerland freed fugitive Oscar-winning director Roman Polanksi today, refusing to extradite him to the United States.  Polanski is free to return to his home in France, which has no extradition treaty with the U.S. The Swiss claimed they didn’t get the proper forms from the Los Angles prosecutors office. The LA prosecutor’s office apparently couldn’t provide the requested documents due to confidentiality restrictions in California law.  District  Attorney Steve Cooley said:  “Mr. Polanski is still convicted of serious child sex charges.”

The district attorney then added, “The Swiss could not have found a smaller hook on which to hang their hat.”   Ya got to admire his diction. I say not only do they have small hooks, they don’t have any balls either.

Anyway, it just goes to show that child molestation is okay if the public loves your artistic work. Or you live in France.

If you also believe that being a good filmmaker gives you carte blanche to flout the law and  impose your sexual desires on 13- year olds, stop here. Otherwise, try to avoid watching Polanski’s movies.

If Mehserle Did It On Purpose, He Should Have Gone with Insanity Defense

Oscar Grant was an ex convict and black man who was being arrested for fighting on a commuter train on New Year’s day in 2009 at an Oakland BART station.  In the process, Mr. Grant was shot in the back by former BART police officer Johannes Mehserle, a white man. Subsequently, a firestorm of racial tension erupted.

Mehserle claims “he thought he was firing a Taser, not a gun.”  Others, mainly the black community, claim that Mehserle purposely shot Grant in the back.   If that were the case, then maybe he should have plead not guilty by reason of insanity, because you’d have to be completely nuts to shoot a guy in the back in cold blood in front of about a hundred angry people with cell phone cameras.

Return top


Change this sentence and title from admin Theme option page.