Bachmann Relying on God to Run her Campaign

Minnesota congresswoman Michelle Bachman should be on Comedy Central, because she is constantly saying funny things.

Recently, she suggested that she can get God to run her potential Presidential campaign. Politico reports that Rep. Bachman is asking people to pray “that the Lord will give us a special anointing on how to put our team together, who those team people will be, that he would bring those people to us.”

Now she hasn’t decided whether to run or not, but this God-managed strategy does raise a lot of questions. For example, if God tells her to run and then she loses, does that mean that mere mortals can out campaign God? Or does it mean God has an ornery streak and would tell her run when he knows she is going to lose?

Martyr Sea? More Like Chicken of the Sea

There have been reports lately that radical muslims want to rename the Arabian Sea to Martyr Sea. The Arabian Sea is, of course, where Osama Bin Laden’s body was chucked overboard, er, buried in the ocean, by sailors of the aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson.

Jay Leno addressed this issue on the Tonight Show: “Supporters of Osama bin Laden say they want to rename the Arabian Sea where bin Laden’s body was dumped, the Martyr’s Sea. Please hiding in your bedroom How about calling it chicken of the sea?”

According to the Daily Mail, Abdal Hakim Murad, a Muslim Chaplain at Cambridge University says

‘Given Muslim ideas of holiness diffusing over large areas it is possible that a pilgrimage will develop as radicals stand on beaches contemplating the virtues of their dead hero,’ he added.

Really? Well why not just change the name of the whole Middle East to “Martyrstan” then? That way, they won’t have to travel.

Thankfully, we didn’t bury him in Barstow, Alaska. That would have made the pilgrimage interesting.

There are some people who think this attempt to rename the Arabian Sea means  President Obama made the wrong call, versus, say, chopping up the body in to small pieces and jettisoning it in space. To them, I say my uncle died in Washington state, and I am calling for the whole state to be renamed Johnlandia. A lot of people agree with me, including my mother, the guy asking for food money at the supermarket, and my dog, Allah Akbar.

Aniston vs O’Reilly: Smackdown

aniston ass in jeans

Jen Aniston--Winner!

I really hate it when I have to agree with Bill O’Reilly. But here is something Jennifer Aniston said a few days ago in People Magazine,

“Women are realizing it more and more knowing that they don’t have to settle with a man just to have that child,” Aniston, 41, said. “Times have changed and that is also what is amazing is that we do have so many options these days, as opposed to our parents’ days when you can’t have children because you have waited too long.”

I guess she is talking about options for being impregnated? Otherwise, there has always been the option of getting pregnant by a random stranger and raising your kid alone or with your friends. She later said,

When asked about the repercussions of raising a child without a father, Aniston said she believes all types of families can raise healthy kids.

True enough, but that doesn’t mean the likelihood of healthy kids is the same in all family situations. See the research further down.

Bill O’Reilly then responded,

“She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that hey, you don’t need a guy, you don’t need a dad,” he said. “That’s destructive to our society.”

O’Reilly went on to argue that remarks like Aniston’s are hurtful to fathers, saying, “She’s diminishing the role of the dad.”

“Aniston can hire a battery of people to help her, but she cannot hire a dad,” he said. “And dads bring a psychology to children that is, in this society, under-emphasized.

If only we could decide the winner of an argument based on their ass.  Just take a look at Jennifer Aniston. She would always win. Then consider Bill O’Reilly. His ass is not at all hot (hence not shown for humanitarian reasons). In fact, Bill O’Reilly’s ass is hardly ever shown, although he is often talking out of it. Or just being one.

Nonetheless, Bill has point here, as the overwhelming research indicates,

Here’s the thing, to Aniston and her supporters: Of course, you don’t have to have a Dad. You never had to. Science has made it more possible to safely have a baby without a father. And sure, single mothers are becoming more common and need to be supported and not chastised. But the point is that when you have a choice, research clearly indicates that having father is preferable for the child’s development, as Aniston herself admits. That is, just because you can–or want to–raise a baby without father doesn’t mean its good idea, even if it works out sometimes.

Now, O’Reilly did say,

“If she wants to explain it,” he said, “She can get her butt right in here!”

That’s what I’m talkin’ about.

Polanski Freed, Proving Child Rape is Ok for Oscar Winners

Switzerland freed fugitive Oscar-winning director Roman Polanksi today, refusing to extradite him to the United States.  Polanski is free to return to his home in France, which has no extradition treaty with the U.S. The Swiss claimed they didn’t get the proper forms from the Los Angles prosecutors office. The LA prosecutor’s office apparently couldn’t provide the requested documents due to confidentiality restrictions in California law.  District  Attorney Steve Cooley said:  “Mr. Polanski is still convicted of serious child sex charges.”

The district attorney then added, “The Swiss could not have found a smaller hook on which to hang their hat.”   Ya got to admire his diction. I say not only do they have small hooks, they don’t have any balls either.

Anyway, it just goes to show that child molestation is okay if the public loves your artistic work. Or you live in France.

If you also believe that being a good filmmaker gives you carte blanche to flout the law and  impose your sexual desires on 13- year olds, stop here. Otherwise, try to avoid watching Polanski’s movies.

If Mehserle Did It On Purpose, He Should Have Gone with Insanity Defense

Oscar Grant was an ex convict and black man who was being arrested for fighting on a commuter train on New Year’s day in 2009 at an Oakland BART station.  In the process, Mr. Grant was shot in the back by former BART police officer Johannes Mehserle, a white man. Subsequently, a firestorm of racial tension erupted.

Mehserle claims “he thought he was firing a Taser, not a gun.”  Others, mainly the black community, claim that Mehserle purposely shot Grant in the back.   If that were the case, then maybe he should have plead not guilty by reason of insanity, because you’d have to be completely nuts to shoot a guy in the back in cold blood in front of about a hundred angry people with cell phone cameras.